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Sarah had just finished making herself a sandwich and was returning to her room when suddenly her dad, who had been watching TV, stopped her and said, "Sarah, mom called. She want you to call Grandma and thank her for the skirt she bought you."

Sarah sighed. She had received the long blue skirt her father was referring to in the mail earlier that day, and was hesitant to call her Grandmother. It's not that she didn't like the skirt, it was just that Sarah had a hard time imagining where she would possible WEAR it.

"But dad, it's already nine o'clock." Sarah said quickly, trying to dodge a bullet.

Her father said nothing for a moment, then replied with, "Mom wants you to." And that was the end of the discussion. Both Sarah and her father knew that if mom wanted something done, it had to get done. That is, if you wanted your head still attached to your body when she got home.

Sarah groaned and trudged upstairs to her room. She put down her sandwich on her bedside table and picked up her phone. Slowly, knowing that she was only delaying the inevitable, she scrolled through her contacts until she reached "Grandma". Steeling herself, Sarah took a deep breath, and pressed call.

The phone range only a few times before a soft spoken voice answers, "Hello?"

"Hi Grandma, it's Sarah." Sarah said, trying to force some cheeriness into her voice. "I just wanted to, um, call you and say thanks so much for the skirt you sent me!"

Sarah's grandmother said, "Oh, you just got it today! I only sent it yesterday! Well, does it fit you okay?"

Even though Sarah knew her grandmother couldn't hear it, she nodded her head out of habit. "Yeah, it comes up to my waist and it fits really well." She answered. She had tried it on only once, and it felt strange to have her legs somewhat free. The skirt was wide and billowed out, and it made Sarah feel very girly to wear. She wasn't used to that.

As though Sarah's Grandmother was reading her mind, she said, "That's wonderful, dear. I can't wait to see you wear it at Thanksgiving! You're always wearing nothing but jeans; It'll be nice to see you in something a bit more feminine."

For a moment, it felt like all the air had left Sarah's body. It was a long moment before Sarah could reply with, "Yeah! Yeah, I can't wait to wear it for you! It's really pretty, I know you'll love it!"

The conversation didn't last much longer, and Sarah thanked her grandmother once more for the long blue skirt. After she had said, "Goodbye" and "I love you, too!" she hung up the phone and flopped down onto her bed. She looked at her sandwich, so appetizing just a few minutes ago, and the though of eating made her nauseous.

Suddenly, Sarah's phone, which still rested in her hand, beeped with a new text message. It was from her friend Micheal, and it read, "Hey Shawn, we still on for bb Sat nite? Isiah and Kyle are up for 2-on-2 if u r".

Sarah grinned. Basketball with the gang, nothing could lift her spirits more. She quickly typed back, "As long as Im on Kyles team, were gonna kick ur butt!".

Micheal quickly typed back, "ya right! well c whos kicking whos but on Saturday!".

Sarah laughed. She put down her phone and sighed happily. She stared up at the ceiling, then down at the blue skirt laying over her desk chair. It was hard sometimes, pretending to be Sarah when she really just wanted to be Shawn. Her friends Michael, Isiah, and Kyle were perfectly fine with her being FTM transgender, but she was too scared to tell her parents, let alone her grandparents or her aunts and uncles and cousins. She really didn't think they'd understand.

After a moment, Sarah got up and entered her bathroom to get ready for bed. She had school the next day, and wanted to look presentable. She ran her hand through her short boy-cut hair and smiled at her reflection.

One day, Sarah wouldn't be Sarah anymore. One day, Sarah would be gone, and Shawn would be in her place, not feeling trapped inside anymore. Shawn would be free, and he could finally, finally, be happy.
Okay people, this is my disclaimer: I myself being a girl mind and body, still do not fully understand the mindset of people who are transgendered. This was my attempt at putting myself into the shoes of someone who is FTM, or Female to Male stransgendered. Please feel point out any mistakes that I may have made, and please do it NICELY. I am still learning and any mistakes that I may have made are not in ANY WAY meant to offend. Thank you.

Second Disclaimer: All names used in this story were made up on the spot, and are not referencing any people living or dead.

Back story: I actually did get a long blue skirt from my grandmother today, and while I really do like the skirt and look forward to wearing it, she told me over the phone that line about how I always wear jeans and dress so androgynous. I never really thought I did, since I have really wide hips and a C cup bra size, it's kind of hard to mistake me for a boy. However, it is true that I hardly ever wear girly blouses and skirts, simply because I prefer the ease of just throwing on a t-shirt and jeans.

When my grandma said that line to me, she of course didn't mean any harm by it, but it got my thinking. I'm fairly new to the idea of being transgendered. I didn't even know what it was to be transgendered until an episode of a Canadian high school drama called Degrassi introduced a character named Adam, who was a FTM transgender with the birth name of Gracie. The idea seemed interesting to me, but mostly just because I plan on going to med school after I graduate, and the thought of someones mind and body sending a person two different signals interested me as a medical condition.

Then, not too long after that, one of my favorite cosplayers *twinfools came out as FTM transgender! When I first read her, now his, journal about it, my first reaction was, "Oh, my gosh! Is Nova okay with this?!" Nova being the dA name for Twin's long-time IRL girlfriend. Turns out, yes, she was, and not soon after his announcement Twin started hormone therapy, and has had what most call "top surgery" to have his mammary glands removed. Twin has been on T for about a year now and it's impossible to know that he once was female unless you knew him before his change. I myself had always had my own little girl-crush on Twin, and now that he's a boy he's even better looking than before! Unfortunately for me, Twin and Nova are engaged to be married. I'm happy for them both though! They are such a cute couple!

Another gender-different person on dA that I look up to is *Double-oh-Seven. DOS is not transgender, but instead what most call "gender fluid". That is to say, some days DOS will wake up feeling feminine. They'll put on a skirt and put on some make-up before going out and about their day. Other days, DOS will wake up and feel masculine. They'll throw on a tee-shirt and jeans and head on out.

I strongly admire those who are brave enough to come to terms with their gender-identity issues, whether they be fully transgendered or simply gender-fluid. My heart goes out to anyone struggling to find themselves in a very "black and white" "male or female" world. You are NOT alone, and there is always hope. :heart:


TL;DR: *twinfools is transgendered, *Double-oh-Seven is gender-fluid, and if anything you've read here has offended you, please go back and read and re-read the disclaimers before commenting. Thank you. :)
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:iconkuroomakimoto:
KurooMakimoto Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2015  New Deviant
I read a lot of comments regarding the pronouns you used. Now I know this is an old story but I just thought to put my option out there, as someone who likes to write and also a trans man. Throughout the story you used she/her when talking about Sarah. Many people are saying that was wrong but not quite. If you re-read the story replacing the she/her pronoun with him/he the story wouldn't make since. I think the author chose the best pronoun to get the situation across. Sarah is a she, the one who isn't out to her parents and family. Shawn is a he, the true 'Sarah' who his friends know about. If it said he throughout the whole story we would be confused as to why his grandmother wanted him to wear a skirt so badly. If you honestly wanted to be more correct in your pronouns from the begging you could always use they/them since that is a gender neutral term. So reading we would guess the main character was female but them eventual we would realize that they were actual male.

I hope you don't think I am criticizing anyone but I wrote this from a writers persevere with understanding the use of pronouns and the mind of a reader. Either way I had no problem and really liked this story. I just though I would put my personal option out there since I saw many people [although in good mind] didn't think of how pronouns can change a story's meaning.
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:iconhaegun:
Haegun Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015
As a born male who has written quite a few stories with (mostly) MTF characters, I know what you must have gone through writing this.  One of the reasons for my posting many of those stories on DA was to get feedback from those deviants (DA type deviants, not the other kind) who are transgendered.  As I hope to publish a longer work along these lines, I wanted to make sure that I was getting it "right".  Even though I had watched a family friend growing up (FTM) and had met a number of MTF folks in the wider world, still you can never really know.  Fortunately, most of the responses I've received have been positive, and I have had some long and fruitful conversations with some of my readers.  I have also made some very dear friends here.

I try to tell stories of what could be, or even should be in relationships between mostly MTF characters and those in their born genders.  Some are more romantic, some are more dramatic, but I always try to treat my characters with adult seriousness, respect, and love.  They deserve nothing less. 

It is my firm belief that there are those who are born with the soul of one sex inside the body of the other.  To me, as a Catholic, the soul trumps the body, and this belief informs my writing.  If only agenda-driven politics could have been kept out of this (it is even poisoning medical research that could otherwise be helping people), then many of my fellow Christians could take the time to reflect more on this, rather than engaging in knee-jerk reactions against the excesses of the so-called advocates, whose agendas are not always aligned with those that they purport to serve. 

As someone born male, I may tend to take "maleness" for granted.  This is only natural, I suppose.  But for someone who has to fight for it, this takes on a new, and probably deeper meaning.  Rather than putting people into nice, neat little boxes, or using them as political pawns, let's get to know them, and love them, and learn from them.  Surely they have lessons they can teach the rest of us about what it means to be a man, or a woman.  I think I am already learning as I write about, and talk to, those who are often ridiculed, ostracized, or otherwise treated in ways that should not be condoned.  Jesus tells us that we should love our neighbors as ourselves.  Let us all begin to practice that.
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:iconpockychops:
pockychops Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow this is deep and my name is Sarah and I am trans
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:iconchapawee13:
Chapawee13 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for making this!
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:iconoddgtsgirl:
oddgtsgirl Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
serious critque:  saying "her" even after explaining the character was a transman is misgendering, kind of a big no-no and a lot of transmen would find that offensive  in a story portraying a transman/ftm 

(also transgender doesn't have a past tense ^-^" transgendered isn't a word) sorry not trying to be mean just informative in the nicest way I can word it.
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:iconbiii-cipher:
biII-cipher Featured By Owner Edited Sep 3, 2014
this comment is kind of old but
'ftm' isn't a proper term since its the same thing as saying 'transgendered' or 'straight to gay'
also 'transman' should be written as 'trans man' bc its a adjective and describes//
sorry if this is rude omg
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:iconthespunkkmiesterr:
TheSpunkkMiesterr Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Student General Artist
thank you
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for your corrections! I wrote this is 2011, and have since learned a LOT more about the subject. This is an old piece, and thus portrays an outdated understanding, and for that I apologize. Thank you for your kindness!
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:iconjackofallgenres:
JackofallGenres Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist
I'm FtM, and you pretty much nailed it.
Reply
:iconlikesrslyomg:
LikeSrslyOmg Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
 I saw a story about someone named Shawn on experience project an hour ago. Any who, very nice story and thank you for sharing. :D 
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:iconfloridapanther28:
floridapanther28 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the ending, how his friends ask him to play basketball (or maybe baseball idk), but you misgendered him throughout the whole story! The wrong pronouns, such as "she" and "her" are actually quite triggered to trans* individuals. 

Please call your character Shawn "he" and "him" if he is a boy. Thank you! 

-Panther 
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:iconjackofallgenres:
JackofallGenres Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist
Yeah, that annoyed me to no end. Hell, I was in tears almost.
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:iconfloridapanther28:
floridapanther28 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Same. Glad I'm not the only decent one here. 
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:iconerik-ezrin:
Erik-Ezrin Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
Nice story :) I think you did very well for a non-transperson, and I think it's great that there are cispeople out there who are accepting of transgenders and such. Sometimes it seems like there are ONLY bigots out there, while that's the vast minority! *faith in humanity. Status: Restored*

And WOW! I didn't even know Twin was trans! I have been a fan of his cosplays for a long time, and thought a few times he looked a bit feminine (more like cute and handsome, lol), and even contemplated that he might be trans, but I had no idea! (he could be a late bloomer/feminine guy, for who knows. My nephew is a bioguy and has LESS hair on his legs than I do (and no, I'm not on T), a almost female-pitched voice, and often looks like a girl/andro person on photo's. He is such a reassurance for transguys, lol)
Shame his account is 'suspended' or something tho'! He did such awesome cosplays... :( Dammit!
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:iconwolfy-power:
Wolfy-Power Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

aw...

My family knows and they always buy me jeans and trousers c:

but I feel bad for the poor guy..Because stories like this are true, sadly...

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:iconcatkerasumae:
catkerasumae Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Student General Artist
you did a good job :)
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:iconcreepypastababy:
CreepyPastaBaby Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this hurt to read. Not that your writing is bad, it just got me. I feel his pain.
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:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013   Writer
The only thing that needs changing is the fact you keep calling him "her" and "Sarah". Transpeople never call themselves by birth gender... well almost never... But the rest is spot on :)
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:iconcallmehe:
CallMeHe Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist
I like it!the only thing is, I have to say that FTM transmen (being one myself) would never see them self or refer to themselves as 'she, or 'her'. But this is really good, and captures a lot of what I feel.
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:iconalexander-007:
Alexander-007 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
This is perfect.
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:iconinfernosnapshot:
InfernoSnapshot Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I don't really know about the "feeling trapped inside" thing though. I had a friend who went through with MtF surgery and never once said she felt trapped inside. She was uncomfortable with being a guy and just wanted to become what she felt. I think that's just a term everyone says because it's "in" to be transgendered or something like that (don't tell me no, kids are doing it). It's a different feeling for everyone and when someone actually feels that way, good for them, but if they don't, they just say that so they can get approval to get the surgery. She doesn't have a DA or else I'd tell her to message you :P

Just thought I'd hold your hand and help you walk around in their shoes a little.
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I guess it is true- teens will be teens and claim to fit into whatever category is 'in' (which can be awful for people genuinely in that category- the people pretending can give the group a bad name). I understand that, just like every person is different, those who are transgendered can feel any level of comfortable or uncomfortable in their skin.

Thank you for your advice and for sharing your friend's story- I'm glad she was able to get the surgery she needed to feel comfortable. :)
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:iconinfernosnapshot:
InfernoSnapshot Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Anytime, I thought I'd just help you out with the general ideas of what people say about trannies (I don't consider that a derogitory name, but next thing you know people are gonna start sayin "Well that's tranny" instead of "Well that's gay" so I guess I'm gonna have to stop sayin it soon haha :P) and that actual fact (just like gay people) that there's always more to the story.

So just a little bit more since you seem to actually appreciate the help, she grew up as a he and liked it. He was one of those guys that all girls want to try and be with because he had a major feminine side but was clearly not gay. He knew how to act like a girl since he only had a mom for the first twelve years of his childhood. So, he obviously picked up a lot of characteristics from her and without realizing it, started acting like a girl from about the age of 13. From there he realized that he liked how he thought like a girl all the time, acted like it in subtle, unnoticeable ways, and started to thinking that he'd rather be a girl than a guy. Eventually, she, decided to start saving for it and worked hard for all the money she made to get the surgery. After about two years working three jobs and doing some extra side-jobs to make even more money (nothing illegal) he became she.

So that's why I said that not all people are born thinking "I'm trapped blah blah blah" (what everyone else says), but just generally wanted to be a female. After the surgery, she lost all of her depression and was a lot more outgoing and could even talk to people better, guys and girls alike. So I think that it really depends on the situation, but the whole "trapped" is just a very general scapegoat for kids who don't really know what they're getting themselves into.
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:iconinfernosnapshot:
InfernoSnapshot Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Unless of course, someone actually truly feels that way, good for them. I'm not trying to say that everyone who says they're "trapped" is lying, I'm just saying that it is a very general saying that is used because people don't look up what they're talking about before they actually start talking about it. (I'm not saying you do that either.. haha I'm not very good with words)

This is a very good website for you if you want to actually look up some information on how a TG person thinks and feels [link]
It's not a biography, but some fictional stories that are written by people who have had or want to have a TG surgery.

Also if you really want to get into it, there's a really interesting spanish movie (with an English dub-over) about this whole scene which is kind of like some of the stories on TGStoryTime. It's called 'The Skin I Live In' staring Antonio Banderas (the kids dad from spy kids). It's got decent acting and some very graphic scenes in it. But over all, it's a well-put-together movie.

Hope this helped.
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:iconwaritab:
WariTab Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Interface Designer
amazing. I feel the sarah person.
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:iconthedemonscall:
thedemonscall Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012   General Artist
You manage to describe the feeling perfect :) I was really happy and touched when i was done reading :)
Its nice to see that people understand us :)
I am Lina right now and cant wait to finally become Liam.
This story is beautiful...thanks for it
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Good luck to you as your transition! :heart: I'm glad I was able to make you happy :D
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:iconthedemonscall:
thedemonscall Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012   General Artist
Thank you :3
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:iconvulcanmassagebadidea:
This is astonishingly accurate--I couldn't tell you were cis until I read your notes. Really well done! It's nice to know that a cis person can understand, when most don't.
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think I'll every truly understand what it means to be anything other than Cis. However, I do think that the best way to empathize with others is to walk a mile in their shoes- this was me doing so. Thanks for your support! :heart:
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:iconxxliazxx:
xxLiazxx Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I told my parents straight out and they said I was too young to really know who I am or what i want :/ But they also said me being gay was a phase and they were wrong.
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
NEVER let anyone else tell you how YOU feel. Only YOU can define your gender, and only YOU can define your sexuality. I'm proud of you for having the courage to tell your parents. Keep your head up, and stay strong. :heart:
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:iconxxliazxx:
xxLiazxx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :')
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:iconsashavamp1234:
sashavamp1234 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I've tried hinting it at my mum that I'm not happy with who i am, but i think she just brushed it off :/ I'm kind of too afraid to tell her straight..
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It might just be that your mom doesn't really understand- you can try putting it into simple terms if that helps. Let your mom know that there are many people in the world just like you, and that this is how you really feel. There are lots of support groups that can help you through this process better than I can, since I'm cis and have never had to to go through this myself. You can try Laura's Playground, here: [link]. If that's not quite what you're looking for, google is your friend! At the end of the day, if she she doesn't understand, don't worry about it too much. The most important thing is your happiness, and your comfort in your own body. Much love, and best of luck!
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:iconsashavamp1234:
sashavamp1234 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks a bunch, :]
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:iconsky-oblivion:
Sky-Oblivion Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is great. I'm in exactly the same position as your character, Shawn, but I've told my mum. :]
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:iconshikunaie:
shikunaie Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
This is amazing. I am in that same spot as your character. Very well written.
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:iconshaun156:
shaun156 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
i have everyone call me shaun. its like you wrote something from my life
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really glad you liked it. <3
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:icondouble-oh-seven:
Double-oh-Seven Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2011
oh this was fantastic!

i really admire you for putting yourself in someone's shoes that you're not familiar with. it's a difficult thing to do and it's something that not many people are comfortable with.

this was really great, i really enjoyed reading it. for someone who is cisgender (aka someone who physically and mentally identifies with their physical gender), you seem to be very aware and understanding of a transgender's struggles. it's very admirable.

keep up the great work, i loved this. <3
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank youuuuu~! :heart:
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:icontikkilala:
tikkilala Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2011
You have the basic ideas down. Being what you call "gender-fluid" (I identify with the third gender, neutrois) I know that kind of gender struggle: My grandparents, who I love so much, don't know about it and probably never will. But I think it would do you some good to really explore the depth of that internal conflict-- because there is a whole lot of it. If you're close enough with anyone who is FTM, MTF, or just doesn't identify themselves within contemporary gender roles, you could ask if they would be ok with being interviewed. I mean, if you want to continue writing about this sort of thing. You have a good start, like I said, but there are many more levels to this kind of thing.
Also, it's a good idea to start off with a clean slate: don't even think about what "gender" is anymore. Personally, I believe "gender" as a concept is a myth and a fairly useless, even counterproductive, social construct. When you're writing about something that puts an already abstract idea, such as gender, farther into the realm of the intangible, you have to be extremely sensitive to straying into traditionally "masculine" or "feminine" territory.
Keep up the good work!
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:iconamericangirl88:
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for your feedback! I will be sure to keep what you said in mind! :heart:
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